Walking alone streets, alleys and boulevards. Talking to nobody but myself. Looking to the ground as I walked, looking to nowhere exactly, looking to something that doesn’t exist. People pass me by and don’t even notice me. It was a really hard time, that lasted for like… two weeks, I guess. When you’re down, you can barely take track of time. Time flies when you’re having fun, drinking, having sex and when you’re in awful pain.
“Ooh, I’m sorry…” a woman told me when she hit me as she ran to catch the bus. I would say “Don’t worry”, but nothing came from me. No word could be pronounced. It was like I forgot the alphabet of something. But I could still with myself and not in Irish or some foreign language.
I was sorry, very sorry of wasting so much tears, so much time in someone that barely remembers me now. Or that’s what it seems. I missed so many parties, so many moments with friends, family and some others… I forgot about my own life to become someone else and begin a new life with that someone. She made me so much damage, and I was starting to notice it. Is like what they call “Damage Control”: that time when you sit down and begin to do some research, thinking about all the good things, and all the things that weren’t so good, and the things that were not good at all o even the ones that sucked.
And then, the score game. Who would win? Who’s the looser? Who’s the biggest bitch of all? I thought she was. But I’m pretty sure someday I’ll met someone even more bitch than she actually is.
As I sat in the cold ground, I took a deep breath, and started counting… Random numbers. Random stories. Random pictures. Random memories. Random. That’s life sometimes: a random series of events. A random hand of cards. A random videogame from the store. A random track in your iTunes library. As much as you like the songs you have, there’s a moment for every track, for every song and for every feeling it sprouts on you, like a wild flower. You’ll never know where is the next flower growing in a mead, in a cliff or in a garden. Garden flowers, won’t grow if you never seed. You have to seed so you can harvest.
We all need to start seeding new memories, new stories so the old, grey, cold, plain and sinister ones stop haunting us. A new beginning is just the end of another journey. You have to concentrate on the new travel you’re about to begin, ‘cause if you don’t, you may be haunted by other experiences and fail again. And that’s not cool. Not at all.
Write your thoughts on a piece of paper with some bright marker. Say goodbye to the note as you would say goodbye of a person you would never want to see again and then, get rid of the paper.
That’s what I did when she left me. When she walked away holding hands with him. With that strangely familiar figure. She choose to let me out of her life. I choose to rip her off of my life as well. Unfortunately you can’t forget every people that hurts you. You just fade them away. Try this out. Fade as a song. Fade as the wind of September. Fade as the time kills the pain. Fade as a ship sinking into the sea.
You may be able to forgive, but never ever forget. Think about it.