Breaking Your Own Heart: SST/Sex, Shame and Tears.


· Sex, Shame and Tears ·

 Sex is a very strong word when you’re a teenager. And by strong, I mean forbidden, prohibited, absolutely restricted for you to talk about it, ‘cause it’s a taboo.


Really? Seriously people?

Like If you would get pregnant just by saying that word! “Sex” and Bang! You’re knocked up. Goodbye good years, hello diapers. Shame on you, world. Sex isn’t that bad. Well, it is bad if you don’t get informed, you know…

Alex, for once, she really had a pretty bad experience. And you should know, there’s only one “first time”. And it’s not very easy to forget. She was at a friend-of-a-friend party when it all happened. She got her eyes on this really cute guy, a senior. Let’s say Alex was a beautiful, b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l girl and she could have any guy she wanted, when she wanted. Like that, bitches. She was at a friend-of-a-friend party when it all happened. And what happened, was a hot mess. She got drunk so fast, she couldn’t even remember what occurred. But I do remember. I was there and I can tell you. But of course I won’t. Not with details.


“I’m so… ashamed. I’m… I’m scared! What will he think of me? That I’m a slut! I’m a slut” she yelled at me days later, when she found out what “happened” from a friend-of-a-friend that was at the party, obviously.

But I was her friend, so it was my duty to calm her and tell her the truth, nothing but the truth: she was pretty drunk and so was he, they ended in an empty room, the parents room (so cliché, I know) and well… it happened. It didn’t hurt the way she feared it would. She didn’t feel any pain in the moment, ‘cause the suffering and the tears will come later, in the form of shame and tears.

“Whatever. It’s just sex, after all. Everyone’s scared of the first time. I have passed mine, and I’m glad I did. It’s just a waste of time…” she told me days after her “I’m so ashamed” breakdown. “And thank God, I’m not pregnant. Can you imagine? Me, hanging with a kid? At my age? Yeah, right…”. I just smiled.

 My smile didn’t last long, ‘cause what I was about to see:

Josh was walking behind Alex. I was frozen. She turned when he touched her back, she instantly smiled at him. But he didn’t smile back. He looked upset, disappointed. I couldn’t hear their conversation, not even read their lips, one of my specialties. Suddenly, Josh walked away, Alex burst into tears and ran away.

“He hates me. He know about that day, and thinks I’m a slut. A slut!”, she yelled at me thru the bathroom door. She locked herself in and wouldn’t come out, no matter how hard I try to convince her. “He actually likes me… or used to. I fucked it up… I ruined it. I love him and now he won’t be with me…”

So, sex appeared in the room, and then came shame and tears. This is the way the world goes. At leats for some of us. Sex, shame and tears. What will come next?

Cover of "Sexo, Pudor y Lagrimas"
Cover of Sexo, Pudor y Lagrimas

Autor: León Alberto

I Was Pandora... And Then I Got Over It.

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